drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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