someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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