I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
