She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
