I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
