And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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