'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
