At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
