I'm gonna have a badass scar
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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