it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
