unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
