theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
