Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize