Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
