just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
