Swine flu. Run for my life!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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