Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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