Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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