Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
