Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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