i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
