i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
