we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So squirting runs in the family.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
