WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
