If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
