I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
