please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
