apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
