This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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