And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
