That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
