I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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