Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
