Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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