when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
