Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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