You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
