I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
