Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You took a bar mat shot.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize