we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
