Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
