you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
