nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize