So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
