i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
