I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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