Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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