I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
