Just fell off a train. Bad.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
