I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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