He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
