he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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