When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
