She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
