Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
