I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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