We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
