What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize