her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize