We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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