I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
