I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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