Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize