I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
