Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
