It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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