He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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