This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
