First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
